{this moment}
almost 3 years
3 years ago today John and I were finally able to be together after not seeing each other for over 4 months. We were finally in the same time zone, same state, same city, same car. It was wonderful.
(photo from the rehearsal dinner – we both needed sleep!)
3 years ago today we were not only finally together, we were finally alone and on our way to our last pre-marital counseling session with our pastor (and the only one that happened in person). The next stop of the day was to get our marriage license. We were sorely tempted to pay the extra $25 and get married then and there – so that we could not only be together but be man and wife just a few days early. But we waited.
It was so good to finally feel each other’s touch again, see each other’s face … four and a half months apart just before a wedding is really, really rough. But our God was so faithful.
Our love story is just riddled with bits and pieces of the faithfulness of God, so much so that we asked a friend to sing “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” (using Fernando Ortega’s new score) as part of the music for our wedding.
Great is thy faithfulness, O God my father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou for ever will be
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To thy great faithfulness, mercy and love
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me
Great is thy faithfulness
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me
And you know what? He hasn’t changed, He is still faithful.
We’ve had a very good three years. Interesting, exciting, sometimes trying and sometimes overflowing with joy – but it has been good.
Right now we are in a place that I truly never expected – or dreamed – to be in, but He is faithful. Would I change our current circumstances? In a heartbeat! But then we wouldn’t be in the prime place for us to see the greatness of God’s faithfulness.
Darling, I love you. I’m so very glad that I am yours and you are mine. You make every day brighter, hearing your voice lifts my heart, and seeing your face … is wonderful!
I don’t know that I’d recommend any other couple taking the path that God has led us on together, but Darling, it’s been so good going down it with you.
just a song on the radio
John had to work on Sunday, so it was just me and the little ones going to church. We dropped him off (kisses all around – Emma loves giving kisses right now) and then Emma asked me to turn on the music (she also loves to sing and “dance” in her carseat as we’re driving).
After a few minutes “No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts came on:
I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You no matter what, no matter what
When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it
I know You have Your reasons for everything so I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope
And You will be my strength
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s OK if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, but if not, I’ll trust You
No matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what
There was one line in particular that struck me, and as I pondered it, the truth that was in it ministered to my spirit as much – or maybe more than? – the fellowship and sermon that we enjoyed later that morning.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
While I know that God is sovereign and permits trials to come into our lives for our benefit, I sometimes realize that I have forgotten that God is with me, before and behind, in my heartache as well as my joy.
It is easy for me to forget that He doesn’t just allow any pain to come into my life, no, just that which He is using to shape me for His glory.
Everything He does has purpose, and everything that He allows to touch me will end up being for my good – even the things that really hurt, the things that – at the time – I wish never happened.
It all goes through God’s hands before it touches me.
I can trust Him.
Even when I can’t see the hope through my tears, I can trust Him.
(nothing is going on right now, just in case you are wondering!)
gifts
…it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.
-ecclesiastes 5:18-19
Happiness in our work is a gift from God, as are satisfaction and contentment.
Contentment has been near the front of my thoughts for the past several weeks …
He. Is. Faithful.
“suffering is not for nothing. It’s not just an opportunity to try and trust God. There is something glorious that He desires to produce in us through our sufferings.” a. ann
“Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful;” -Heb 10:23
He is faithful.
He is faithful.
He is faithful.
He. Is. Faithful.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I can expect “baby blues” to hit me about 6 weeks after I give birth.
For some reason, even though I get tired and a bit emotional after my babies are born, that passes fairly quickly and it’s not until about a month and a half goes by that I start reaching out for help. Or quietly shutting down and weeping.
It happened after Emma, and now it’s happening again.
It’s wonderful that Ian has started to smile. He lies there, saying “ah ga, ah ga” and smiling. Emma comes over and wants to snuggle. And it’s good. I wipe away tears and try to smile back.
I’m not really sad, per say, but not really happy either. The tears lie just beneath the surface and anything – or nothing – will make them flow.
I want to be happy, joy-filled, entering into Emma’s play. Most of the time I am. It’s just so much, much harder right now.
This feels like such a poor explanation of what is on my mind, what I wanted to say, but it’s a start. I want to come out on the other side of this time knowing that God was faithful, giving me grace. Knowing that, somehow, He was working out something glorious.
I want to see that fruit.
yesterday evening
“I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.”
-Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yesterday evening was a quiet time, just the four of us enjoying playing and being together. John sent me outside to take a walk after Emma was down. He stayed with Ian, and I took a stack of letters to the mail box.
It was a bit sticky outside (it seems to hardly ever be dry during July/August), but cool enough to be pleasant. And so pretty.
I’m so glad John told me to go out.
There is something about being out of doors that is refreshing for me. And John knows this.
There is something about being out of doors that is refreshing for me. And John knows this.
As I walked I decided that when I get old I want to be the old lady on the street who has the garden that is overflowing with a profusion of old-fashioned flowers.
I want to spend my time tending it, being with my family, building into their lives and the lives of the younger women around me.
I want to spend my time tending it, being with my family, building into their lives and the lives of the younger women around me.
I want to wear the slightly funky but ever so lady-like clothes.
I want to have pretty dishes to use everyday, especially when others stop in for coffee and something sweet.
In my old age I want to celebrate and enjoy the simple and sweet things that make up the days.
And if it is going to happen I need to cultivate that contentment and joy now.
a summer sunday morning
The tree outside our window.
This blog post by Ann Voskamp spoke to me, especially these lines:
“The most enchanting days never cost a thing, only that you pay attention.
I slow down and open the eyes wide and dig deep into the pocket of me.
I’m thinking now is worth all I have.”
Ian is wearing a romper/faux suit that Mimi gave him at the shower and Emma is wearing a romper that Grammie bought while she was here. They looked so cute!
Emma wanted her picture taken, but wasn’t quite so sure about smiling.
this moment
A few pictures from this afternoon when Emma was napping:
Also, there’s a woman that writes a blog that I follow who wrote a good – and really long – post the other day about parenting. Here’s a snippet:
“Fear based parenting … is when parents motivate their children to do what is “right” out of fear. Just plain fear. …
Fear is sin. I do not want to parent my children based on my fears.
I do not want to raise fearful children either. I believe if we parent this way we can hinder our children from understanding who God is.
…
There are a few different types of fear based parenting possibly?
-parenting according to what we FEAR others will think of us.
-parenting where we actually plant FEAR in the hearts of our children [ultimately not trusting the Lord].
-over protecting out of FEAR.
-motivating our children to behave the way we want them to out of FEAR of us, or fear of hell, or fear of punishment.
…
I think fear based parenting is something that can easily sneak into our relating to our children without even realizing it.”
There’s a lot more too, just her recent thoughts on being a godly mother.
heavenly yearnings
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy , the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” -c.s. lewis
We are made for another world, for eternity.
The imperfections of these present days are going to pass away, and someday – “soon” – we will be in the perfection of eternity. The heaps of dishes, of laundry and projects waiting to be fixed are, at their core, reminders that we are created to glorify God forever.
Long ago there was sin and temptation and we are dealing with the sin and “brokenness” that came from that everyday. But, Someday ………
We can start practicing for it today.