grace – Elizabeth Smillie

He. Is. Faithful.

July 23, 2010 Elizabeth

“suffering is not for nothing. It’s not just an opportunity to try and trust God. There is something glorious that He desires to produce in us through our sufferings.” a. ann

“Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful;” -Heb 10:23

He is faithful.

He. Is. Faithful.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can expect “baby blues” to hit me about 6 weeks after I give birth.
For some reason, even though I get tired and a bit emotional after my babies are born, that passes fairly quickly and it’s not until about a month and a half goes by that I start reaching out for help. Or quietly shutting down and weeping.
It happened after Emma, and now it’s happening again.

It’s wonderful that Ian has started to smile. He lies there, saying “ah ga, ah ga” and smiling. Emma comes over and wants to snuggle. And it’s good. I wipe away tears and try to smile back.

I’m not really sad, per say, but not really happy either. The tears lie just beneath the surface and anything – or nothing – will make them flow.
I want to be happy, joy-filled, entering into Emma’s play. Most of the time I am. It’s just so much, much harder right now.

This feels like such a poor explanation of what is on my mind, what I wanted to say, but it’s a start. I want to come out on the other side of this time knowing that God was faithful, giving me grace. Knowing that, somehow, He was working out something glorious.
I want to see that fruit.

heavenly yearnings

May 13, 2010 Elizabeth

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy , the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” -c.s. lewis

We are made for another world, for eternity.

The imperfections of these present days are going to pass away, and someday – “soon” – we will be in the perfection of eternity. The heaps of dishes, of laundry and projects waiting to be fixed are, at their core, reminders that we are created to glorify God forever.

Long ago there was sin and temptation and we are dealing with the sin and “brokenness” that came from that everyday. But, Someday ………

We can start practicing for it today.

as water through fingers ….

October 3, 2009 Elizabeth

teething, originally uploaded by Lizi Beth.

I love being a mother. I really do. Mothering a smiling and joyful (and willful …) baby is just so wonderful. Sometimes when I look back at my day, though, it seems as if all my effort accomplished nothing. True, the laundry has been washed, dishes done, diapers changed. But at the end of the day it is hard to tell because all of that “doing” is waiting to be done all over again. There are no marks of achievement when is comes to housework.

Emma is teething just now, and today she just wants to held as she sucks her thumb or trills to me as she plays with my hair. It is difficult to get much accomplished while carrying a nearly 20 pound baby, and combined with her want for more nursing and less “real” food, I am feeling a bit tired! So we have been sitting at the computer and I have been catching up on reading blogs as Ems absorbs comfort. As I was reading I found that this woman’s post from last week was good and very timely.

It reminded me of the story of how David’s mighty men went down to Bethlehem to get him some water from the well, and instead of drinking it he poured it out on the ground as a drink offering (II Sam 23:14-17). Of course, David had a purpose for pouring out the water – to him it represented the life blood of the men who had brought it for him – but I have always seen it from his men’s view as well: they so wanted him to have this water that meant so much to him, and then he poured it out instead of drinking it. All their effort gone. But their effort wasn’t gone. It was being used as an offering of praise.

The blog author was convicted about her setting “seen” accomplishments as idols in her heart. It was so good to read her transparency. I stopped to ponder: Can I go from needing a visible, tangible product of my labor to allowing it to be poured out before God?

cute clothes make the day better

March 23, 2009 Elizabeth

Emma and I have been having a …… trying day. We have been bothered by what seems to be some very uncomfortable gas in her tummy. Nothing I have done has been able to calm her for long. So, knowing that a cute baby is harder to be upset with and to reduce the likelihood of frustration on my part, I put her into one of her adorable outfits. I’m not sure if it made her feel better, but it helped me.

She did enjoy putting it on, though.

Emma finally settled down for a long nap …

… and her bow slipped down over her eyes. I was not about to move it because 1) she might wake up, and 2), it was really cute!

quote to ponder today

February 5, 2009 Elizabeth

“God began to teach me that there is a huge difference between “entertaining” and offering hospitality. Entertaining puts the emphasis on you and how you can impress others. Offering hospitality puts the emphasis on others and strives to meet their physical and spiritual needs so that they feel refreshed, not impressed, when they leave your home.

“…like so much of life, it all comes down to the motives of your heart. Are you trying to impress others, … [o]r are you trying to refresh them and point them toward the Lord?”

-Karen Ehman, A Life That Says Welcome

This quote thoroughly resonated with me, and I practically stumbled upon it!

It happened as I was moseying my way through Amazon, clicking on the “if you liked this you might like this” links, found this book (which had a “search this book” option, so I thought I would electronically thumb through it). Wow. It looks really good, well written and scriptural, her writing style is conversational yet concise, and inspiring. But our library doesn’t have it, so I’m putting it on my wish list. Of course, I could also pull out a few of the other books discussing hospitality that I have around someplace…

embodied worship

January 13, 2009 Elizabeth

With eyes wide open to the mercies of God, I beg you, my brothers, as an intelligent act of worship, to give Him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to Him and acceptable by Him.

Romans 12:1, Phillips

In pregnancy and childbirth, I do one of the most amazing physical feats humans can do: I present my body as a living sacrifice for the sake of creating by God’s power another person. I would like to think this is how all sacrifice should feel in the religious life: the hurts don’t go away, but eventually they make one glad. They are markers on that path to wonder.

Debra Rienstra

Great With Child, p. 89

Whatever, therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

I Corinthians 10:31

Wonderful Love

December 23, 2008 Elizabeth

Yesterday I found an article titled “His Love Stories“, by Elisabeth Adams.

“The Bible tells us that Jesus is the Word made flesh. I like to think that, in a small way, each of us is also the Word made flesh; that each of us has a story in which the kindness of God is made visible to the world. Think how clear His kindness is in your salvation story. And when you listen to the salvation stories of others, don’t you see how unique is the way He captures each of our hearts?
“That’s why my favorite love stories are true ones. In fact, I’ve probably read or heard the stories of nearly 150 Christian couples, each one as unique as a fingerprint. Some couples called it “courtship,” some called it “dating,” and some met and married long before the terms acquired their present meanings. God’s kindness is evident in them all.”

It’s a good article, reminding us of God’s creativity in pursuing and wooing us. After I read it I started to think of the many ways that God is still wooing me – because one of the wonderful things about the Almighty is that He is our Eternal Lover, never content to let our relationship with Him to grow stale. And not just the ways He woos me, but those around me.
It may not always feel loving or look beautiful in the moment – just as in any long term relationship there are periods of pain – but looking back I can see that He has always been loving, always been faithful to care for my heart.
What a wonderful God.

perfection and contentment

May 29, 2008 Elizabeth

Yesterday I was riding in the car with my husband, on our way to tour a house that is for sale, and realized that I was wishing to upgrade my life. I wanted more than I have, and better. More like “other” people, such as the ones on the billboards. I was discontent with life as it is.
Which is odd, considering that we have recently been so extremely blessed.
In the past year John’s job sent him here to Queen City, and the extra income has made life much more comfortable.
We got married.
Are praying about buying a house (John’s job is making that possible, too).
And many other things.
Yet I was striving to be better, striving against feeling inferior and striving to be more perfect.

Last night we attended “Last Wednesday” at our church. It’s an evening service (on the last Wednesday of the month) that focuses on worship and partaking in communion.
I was reminded that God sees me as perfect. Not scarred, not “could be better”, but perfect.
He does not even see my stumbles, just reaches to catch me as I fall and tells me that it’s all right. He soothes my tears. I fail, but it’s okay. He’s already fought my battles, and He understands. There is no possible way that He could love me more; nothing I can do will ever impress Him. Being “better” – upgrading my life – will never ever cause Him to think more of me.
He doesn’t want a more chic me, a more perfect me.
He wants my heart.
Wants me to let Him be enough, my Favorite above all else, all I need to be content.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” – philippians 4:11-13

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'”
– hebrews 13:4-6

from my heart this morning

May 26, 2008 Elizabeth

Does someone hear my cry?

I’m dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart,

and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won’t you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say