“suffering is not for nothing. It’s not just an opportunity to try and trust God. There is something glorious that He desires to produce in us through our sufferings.” a. ann

“Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful;” -Heb 10:23

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He is faithful.

He. Is. Faithful.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can expect “baby blues” to hit me about 6 weeks after I give birth.
For some reason, even though I get tired and a bit emotional after my babies are born, that passes fairly quickly and it’s not until about a month and a half goes by that I start reaching out for help. Or quietly shutting down and weeping.
It happened after Emma, and now it’s happening again.

It’s wonderful that Ian has started to smile. He lies there, saying “ah ga, ah ga” and smiling. Emma comes over and wants to snuggle. And it’s good. I wipe away tears and try to smile back.

I’m not really sad, per say, but not really happy either. The tears lie just beneath the surface and anything – or nothing – will make them flow.
I want to be happy, joy-filled, entering into Emma’s play. Most of the time I am. It’s just so much, much harder right now.

This feels like such a poor explanation of what is on my mind, what I wanted to say, but it’s a start. I want to come out on the other side of this time knowing that God was faithful, giving me grace. Knowing that, somehow, He was working out something glorious.
I want to see that fruit.