Browsed by
Category: sorrow

just thinking

just thinking

I’ve been thinking about a phrase someone I know said a few weeks ago: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle at a time, so that you won’t lose faith and turn away from Him.”

There was something about that phrase that really bothered me, but I didn’t have the quickness of mind at the time to be able to put my finger on it and respond.
A  few weeks later, though (kind of shows how scatter brained I am at the moment) and I think I have.

As I see it, the problem with what she said is that God does give us more than we can handle. It’s something that gives us opportunity to grow – grow in both our faith and in our character.
This growth is very important to Him, and even though we may think it’s hard, He sees the potential outcome and knows that it will be worth the struggle.

When I am in the midst of struggles, hard or trying situations, frustration, hurt, grief or anger, it can be difficult to remember that God is still there. He is waiting and watching, ready to comfort or give wisdom – whatever we might need at the time – just as I wait and watch my own children figure out things.

I have faith, but it needs to grow in the trials. That growth only comes through God, though, not through anything that I can do. (Ephesians 2:8-9) It comes from turning to Him and crying, “Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief”. (Mark 9:24)

I need a faith that believes God is who He is, not who I say or think He is. I need to believe that God is good in all things – even though the current situation may not seem to prove that. I need to believe that He is unchanging, compasstionate, holy, true, loving and forgiving, full of mercy, just.

He knows that even though I know so much about Him in my head, I still have areas of unbelief in my heart that are choking out faith. He and I both want me to walk in faith alone. And so He prunes out the unbelief. (John 15)
It hurts, but as I turn to Him in the midst of the pain and confusion, the unbelief is cast aside.

just a song on the radio

just a song on the radio

John had to work on Sunday, so it was just me and the little ones going to church. We dropped him off (kisses all around – Emma loves giving kisses right now) and then Emma asked me to turn on the music (she also loves to sing and “dance” in her carseat as we’re driving).

After a few minutes “No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts came on:

I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You no matter what, no matter what

When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it
I know You have Your reasons for everything so I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope
And You will be my strength

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s OK if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, but if not, I’ll trust You

No matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what

There was one line in particular that struck me, and as I pondered it, the truth that was in it ministered to my spirit as much – or maybe more than? – the fellowship and sermon that we enjoyed later that morning.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands

While I know that God is sovereign and permits trials to come into our lives for our benefit, I sometimes realize that I have forgotten that God is with me, before and behind, in my heartache as well as my joy.

It is easy for me to forget that He doesn’t just allow any pain to come into my life, no, just that which He is using to shape me for His glory.

Everything He does has purpose, and everything that He allows to touch me will end up being for my good – even the things that really hurt, the things that – at the time – I wish never happened.
It all goes through God’s hands before it touches me.
I can trust Him.
Even when I can’t see the hope through my tears, I can trust Him.

(nothing is going on right now, just in case you are wondering!)

a song to start the morning

a song to start the morning

One of the men in our church sang this during the service yesterday, and it brought me to tears (I had to borrow a Kleenex from the lady ahead of me). I recommend listening to it if you have time this morning. It is so good.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

-Revelation 21:1-5

how I remember her

how I remember her

Gramma Moose died yesterday morning. We knew that it was going to happen very soon and were expecting it at any moment, but still, we are mourning (and rejoicing for her).

For the past several days I have been thinking about her, about her life and my memories of her.
There are so very many wonderful memories, but the one that is sticking out at the top right now is of syrup. The picture of little pitchers of maple syrup sums up many of my memories of Gramma.

Maple syrup (I can’t remember any other kind in her house) in little pitchers with pancakes or Belgian waffles was almost always a part of our visits with Gramma. In everything she did she tried to be and do her absolute best, even if it cost her a little more, so that she might bless those around her. If it cost more, she just graciously made do with less or saved somewhere else and didn’t let it interfere with her goal of making the time special.

Little pitchers were important too, so that each person would have their own by their plate because each person was individually important. Gramma was one of six children and she understood how very important it is for a child or an adult to feel thought of, special as an individual and not just part of the larger group.

There are so many memories, good and wonderful memories.
Maybe I’ll share them with you later ………

remembering

remembering

Gramma, Anna and Lizzie, 1988

Emma, Sarah and I took a last minute trip to the Bay a week ago Wednesday. Gramma is not doing very well, and she wanted to see me and Emma again. It was a good trip, but a difficult one.

I’m still feeling rather numb, but going through some boxes of old photos is helping. It’s bringing the memories and the tears.

the baring of soul

the baring of soul

There’s a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there’s a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I’m a king I’m a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh, I … am I …

There are ghosts from my past who’ve owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For darkness I know I’ve let win

Can you hear me?
Well I’ve never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I’d rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

There’s a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time…

-“martyrs and thieves” by jennifer knapp

beauty for ashes

beauty for ashes


[Christ has come to] provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
…and everlasting joy will be theirs.
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.

Isaiah 61

“One should not develop a taste for mourning, and yet mourn we must.”

-Jacques Derrida

” … joy comes in the morning.”

thoughts from a funeral

thoughts from a funeral


I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Now there is in store for me the crown that is righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all that who have longed for his appearing.

II Timothy 4:7

Am I fighting the good fight? Am I running the race? Am I keeping the faith? Will those who look on my life be spurred to love Christ more, revel in the freedom of the grace that He offers and joy in the wonder of the life that they have yet to live, both here on Earth and in Heaven? Oh, that they might.
I desire my life to do all that and more. I want others to be truly blessed by me and the days that I have spent. I want to bring them Joy. I want to bring them Rest, Peace, Comfort, Laughter, and a desire to experience a Greater Beauty than their souls can fathom. I want to stir up an insatiable hunger and longing for the Pure and Holy.

quote to ponder

quote to ponder

“I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.“
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh